Certain interactions make me write. Here's one I wrote about yesterday...
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​This afternoon, I went for a massage. It’s been a couple years since I’ve had one. The massage therapist I used to see wasn’t available so I was booked with another named Kim, who, I was told, focuses on relaxation.
When I arrived at the clinic, Kim greeted me and held out her hands to take my coat. I had already started to hang it myself, but she took the coat out of my hands, put it on a hanger and said, “This is me being a mom.”
When I was settled on the massage table, Kim explained that she doesn’t talk a lot while giving a massage and has been doing this for about thirty years. “I just love doing this for people who care for other people,” she said.
While her ‘being a mom’ and ‘people who care for other people’ comments made me wonder if she was going to ask if I have children, Kim stopped talking and I relaxed into the experience.
Near the end of the session, we exchanged some small talk and I said, “Whenever I have a massage, I always hope the massage therapist gets to have massages too. I hope you do.”
Kim looked at me and said, “For me, massage is about helping other moms. Helping moms - it’s so important.”
I nodded, took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
After the massage was over, I walked toward the reception desk where Kim was waiting for me.  She asked how I was feeling. I described how relaxing it was and thanked her. Then I took a deep breath and said, “There’s just one more thing I want to mention.”
I stepped into an open room beside the reception area and Kim followed me.
I took another deep breath then calmly said, “You mentioned moms a few times. I’m childless not by choice. I went through infertility for a long time. I want to suggest that you could use the word caregiver instead. Because not every woman gets to be a mom.”
Though a little wide-eyed, Kim nodded, “Yes, caregiver is a good word. Thank you.”
As I walked to my car, the phrase ‘public service announcement’ came to mind. It felt like I’d just made one.
In the past, I would have left quietly. Now, so many years into living and learning how to be more comfortably and confidently childless, I felt like I was speaking up for the next person like me and the next…for all the people who didn’t get to have or who chose not to have children but are caregivers too and just as deserving of a relaxing break.

In August 2024, my story The Empty Nest was published in Canada's national newspaper, The Globe and Mail. Originally published on this blog and later by Stephanie during 2023 World Childless Week,  this story is proving to help chip away at invisibility, to be more open about this part of my life experience .
To read on AppleNews, click here.
To read on The Globe and Mail, click here.
Note...the headline on print version are my words. But the headline of online version wasn't written by me (...and it doesn't reflect my thinking!). 

Any suggestion that my dogs are replacement children was always negated by the pain of my childless grief. But these dogs have given me so much. They comforted me through painful times and helped my life feel lighter. They gave me a lot of reasons to smile. I had so much love that needed somewhere to go, and they cheerfully received it...click Read More​

​One Mother’s Day morning, I took a quick trip into a grocery store. On my way out, I saw a plastic bucket filled with tall roses on a small table, beside the exit door. A hand-written sign was taped to the bucket. On it, I read, “For the Moms. Take one."
I paused for a moment, then I took a single red, long-stemmed rose and walked out. 
We deserve roses too. Whole bunches of them.